Of Duck Hunting Grandmothers and Oscar the Grouch
by Potato Jam 7
Summary: When Katie practically begs Travis to tell her about his family, Travis isn't so sure she wants to hear it. Does she really want to hear about his grandma, who hunts ducks in her free time? Or his cousin, who got arrested for throwing a bottle of pee in the ocean? Or his uncle, who has man boobs? But she asked for it, so he's going to tell it. Thanksgiving/Hanukah special! Tratie!


**Happy Thanksgiving! And Hannukah, of course :) So, I've been waiting ALL YEAR to do a Thanksgiving themed fic, and now the time is finally here! And of course today is Hannukah too, so I just have to add that in the fic, too. See, I feel like us peeps on FF focus a lot on Christmas and Thanksgiving, but we never ever make any Hannukah themed fics. When you search Hannukah on FF, sixteen results come up. And none of them are from the PJO fandom. That's kind of sad. Sometimes, we need to open our doors a little wider to other religions :)**

**Okay, so that's it for my little Let's Write Hannukah Fics Too! Speech ;) Enjoy!**

Right now, Travis was praying for a car crash.

Okay, maybe not a car crash. That would be a horrible thing to wish, even if he was driving to his death right now. Well, maybe not his death, but Katie's father seemed like just the type of person who would love to skewer his head and serve it for dinner.

Last year, he had managed to avoid The Dreaded Day with some excuse about having to study really, really hard for this Economics test, but this year, he couldn't possibly get out of it. He had no tests. He didn't have to work today, either (seriously, who has to work on Thanksgiving?). He had no extremely important commitments either. And the thing that stung the most was that he had no family to see.

Well, scratch that, he _did_ have family, but they definitely would not want to see him. He had some distant relatives that hated him so much they probably wanted to bury him alive and a somewhat senile grandmother who liked to go duck hunting (she always ended up shooting squirrels instead. Travis never had the heart to tell her that she didn't shoot a duck), and of course, his younger brother. Travis and his brother Connor were as thick as thieves (literally). But Connor, who had gotten the opportunity to study abroad in France (he was always the smarter one. And the kinder one. Travis wasn't sure where he got all that from, because both his parents were assholes-his mom, who died of drinking and driving (even Travis knew better), and his dad who never even bothered to see him), couldn't be with him this Thanksgiving. They had spent every Thanksgiving together since they were little kids (mostly because they had no one else to spend it with). The last two Thanksgivings had included Katie, too, and Connor's on again off again girlfriend Elena, but in the end, it was always the two of them.

"Do you want me to drive?" Katie asked, glancing at him from the passenger seat.

"Noooo," Travis responded, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Is this about how you don't want to see my family?" she asked. Travis groaned. This girl could see right through him.

"Maybe."

"Pull over."

"Wait, what?" Travis was secretly glad she asked him to pull over. That would delay them, which would mean less time spent under the Gardener's roof.

"I said, pull over," Katie said firmly. Travis pulled over into a little parking lot of a Wendy's. Resting back in his seat, he gave her a questioning look.

"Are you okay?" Katie asked.

"I'm fine," Travis said. He really didn't feel like being psycho-analyzed by Katie right now. She did that sometimes, and it drove Travis up a wall. Because no matter what happened, Travis Stoll was always FINE. F-I-N-E. _FINE_.

"I know you think my dad won't like you…"

"…"

"…and he won't."

"Aw, thanks, babe," Travis said sarcastically, scratching the scab on the back of his hand so he didn't have to look at her. He looked out the window.

"Katie…" Travis groaned as he leaned his forehead on the cold glass. It felt piercing but it felt good.

"Travis…" Katie mimicked, wrapping an arm around him and bringing her into him. Unfortunately, it was kind of hard to do that between seats like that, so Travis ended up lying across the cup holders. He knocked over an empty coffee cup. He tossed it into the back seat.

"Hey, don't do that!"

"It was empty, though!" Travis protested. "Besides, we need to get rid of our trash somehow."

Katie glanced at the backseat of the car, where trash littered the floor. "We need to clean that up before Dad sees it."

Travis squinted up at her. "Does your Dad like to hunt ducks?"

"Sometimes…"

"I think he'd get along with my grandma."

"Your grandma?" Katie raised an eyebrow. Travis was sure it was because he almost never mentioned his family, aside from Connor.

"Yes, Katherine," Travis said mockingly, "I _did_ come from somewhere."

"Really? I thought you were born out of a trash can?"

"Like Oscar the Grouch?"

"Kind of."

"You know, I always suspected Oscar was a pedophile."

"What? !"

"Think about it. He lives in a trash can and creeps around. Plus he has a pet worm. A freakin' pet _worm_. He probably lures kids in with it. He'll be all like, 'Oh, little girl do you want to pet my worm-'"

"Ew. That sounds so weird."

"Exactly."

"So about your grandma…"

"She's just a big old lady who likes to hunt ducks. Except she gets squirrels instead. Her vision's going. She also wears camo muu muus."

"That's interesting."

"I know right. Welcome to the Stoll family, Katie."

"So, how about your relatives?"

"Well, there's my Uncle Alexander. He has pink hair, and he's been married eight times."

"So this sort of stuff runs in the family?"

"Shut up."

"Tell me more about your relatives."

"Why are you so interested in them? They're just a bunch of weirdos."

"Just keep going, okay?"

"All right then. Whatever you say, Kitty Kat," Travis sighed in resignation. Explaining his family would take a long time. He didn't really want to talk about them, but he did anyway, just for her. He told her about Rex, his cousin, like fifty times removed that always had stuff stuck between his braces. "Once he had a whole spear of broccoli," Travis told her matter of factly. Next, he told her about his great aunt Elizabeth who was missing all her teeth except one. "It's her canine," Travis said, "It's very pointy, and creepy looking. When she 'smiles' at you, it kind of sticks out and…ugh! Don't even let me get started on that!" After that, he talked about his Uncle Stacey ("Shut up, _Gardner_," he said when Katie laughed) who had man boobs. "Me and Connor brought him a bra for his birthday," Travis told her, "I think that's why he doesn't like us. But we paid good money for that thing! It was all pink and zebra print!" Finally, he told her about another one of his cousins, Steven, who was currently in jail for peeing in a bottle and tossing it in the ocean. "The thing I don't get is why the heck we can't pee in the ocean too. Like, fish and sharks and sea cucumbers pee there! AND NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT IT! But if humans pee, then its some sort of major crime."

After pausing to take a breath of air and let out his steam about fish peeing in the ocean and not getting arrested for it, Travis turned to Katie again, "You know what day it is today, Katie?" He'd just remembered. He'd remembered the little potato pancakes and lighting the candles and the presents every day for eight days. Granted, their mother wasn't very religious, so they never really got into it, but still.

"Thanksgiving, duh," Katie said, stroking his hair.

"No. I mean, it is Thanksgiving. But it's also something else."

"Thursday?"

"No dip, Sherlock."

"Then what is it?"

"Hanukah."

"Wait, you celebrate Hanukah!?"

"Yeah. My mom's side of my family is Jewish. They aren't that religious though. But still. Latkes are latkes. They taste good."

"How did I never know this?"

"I don't think I ever brought it up…"

Oh no. It was an awkward quiet moment. Travis hated those. He had to break the silence. Sitting up straight in his seat and putting his feet up on the dashboard, he opened his mouth to talk, but Katie beat him to it.

"You know, we could just stay here for a while if you want. In the car I mean. Chill out. Eat Skittles," Katie said as she pulled the Emergency Bag out from the glove compartment, and unbuckled her seat belt. She drew her leg over the cupholder and made her way to the driver's seat, where she plopped down next to Travis. There definitely wasn't enough room for them both to fit comfortably in the driver's seat. Their legs were smushed together, and Travis's butt cheeks were pressed tightly against the side. Whatever. Who cared about space now, anyways?

Katie rested her head on his shoulder.

"Happy Hanukah, Stoll."

"Happy Thanksgiving, Gardner."

**And that's my Thanksgiving/Hanukah special! I know, I know, the whole "thankfulness" thingie wasn't emphasized that much, but hey, it's kind of hard to make TWO holidays work in one fic! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that. Now go have an amazing Thanksgiving, Hanukah, or whatever else you celebrate xD!**HaH

**Reviews are magic! ;)**


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